By sci_geeek

Tuesday, September 15 – Hannah Perales

My dad is a busy man. Usually I only see him right before school and on weekends.

     And yet, years ago, he and I came to an unspoken agreement. On Tuesdays he picks me up after school. 

     Every Tuesday.

     But today I’m sitting on the front steps of Thunder Bay Adventist Church and Dad hasn’t arrived yet. I’d love to blame that on his being Hispanic, but both he and I don’t fall into that stereotype. We don’t get places late. 

     So why exactly is he breaking our sacred father-daughter pact?

     I’ve tried calling him five times already. And I’m starting to worry.

     Maybe he’s in a car accident. Oh boy, I hope not. But it is a logical explanation. He does drive too fast sometimes. 

     But a car accident though? I don’t know. It feels like something else. I probably shouldn’t be relying on my feelings for this, but I just have an urge to wonder…what if it’s got something to do with the divorce?

     I go to Instagram hoping to calm my nerves. Scrolling down my feed, I suddenly feel lonely. I wish I hadn’t blocked Dee Kay and Sean and Davi. Psaw, who cares about Thaddeus anymore, though? Now that’s one person I don’t regret having blocked.

     -Leave_Me_@lone- DMed you.

     Huh?

-Leave_Me_@lone-: Hi Hannah its me Ava from school

     You. Are. Kidding. Me. Not that jerk!

hannah.of.greengables: oh hi ava

-Leave_Me_@lone-: Ive seen ur art

hannah.of.greengables: …ok

-Leave_Me_@lone-: Its rlly good keep it up👍

hannah.of.greengables: oh thanks. i’m glad u like it

-Leave_Me_@lone-: Its expressive, shows lots of emotions

     Oh really. I didn’t know she could even feel emotions, much less detect them.

hannah.of.greengables: ty

-Leave_Me_@lone-: I like doing art 2

hannah.of.greengables: u do?

     She sends me a couple pictures. My heart stops. Her art is so expressive. I usually do cheerful things. But this – dark, ominous colours, deep, thick strokes – is completely heart wrenching. And suddenly I feel so bad about judging her so easily.

     I think she’s going through something.

hannah.of.greengables: wow…that’s beautiful😶

-Leave_Me_@lone-: U think so Hannah?

hannah.of.greengables: i know so. hey avalon, can i ask you something??

-Leave_Me_@lone-: I wanted to ask u, well ur art kinda seems to show that ur going thru something. 

     My mouth goes dry. But Avalon is so shy, she wouldn’t tell anyone, right? And since she’s asking anyway…

hannah.of.greengables: my parents are getting a divorce

                                           it’s been rlly hard😔

-Leave_Me_@lone-: Oh I’m so srry Hannah

hannah.of.greengables: thanks

                                           hey avalon

-Leave_Me_@lone-: Yea?

hannah.of.greengables: are u ok?

-Leave_Me_@lone-: Y exactly do U want 2 know

     Uh oh. Looks like I hit a raw nerve.

hannah.of.greengables: well, cuz u asked first i thought it was ok…

-Leave_Me_@lone-: Ok. I won’t tell U everything

                                     but Im kinda suicidal

     No. No. No. I had no idea! My heart wells up with remorse and my head throbs to figure out what to do.

hannah.of.greengables: oh avalon i’m so sorry. do u want to talk about it?

-Leave_Me_@lone-: I already said Im not telling U everything

                                    Bye

hannah.of.greengables: avalon i’m so sorry! i didn’t mean to make you angry. 

                                           i messed up, i’m so sorry

                                           avalon?

                                           i’m so sorry

                                           please forgive me

     2, 4, 6 tense seconds pass. Maybe I went overboard with my apologizing? 

     Or maybe I didn’t apologize enough.

hannah.of.greengables: sorry avalon

-Leave_Me_@lone-: W8 did I sound mad???

hannah.of.greengables: i’m so sorry but…yeah

-Leave_Me_@lone-: Dont worry Hannah, Im not angry at U!

                           But I g2g

     Relief floods over me.

hannah.of.greengables: ok good

                                           have a good day!!

-Leave_Me_@lone-: U 2

     I’m glad I got to chat with Avalon. But she’d kill me if she knew what I’m about to do. I stand up and pull open the door of the church. Just as I step inside the lobby, my phone vibrates in my hand. Chuy Perales sent you a message. 

     Oh God, thank you! What a relief!

Chuy Perales: Emily, did you pick Hannah up from school yet?!

     Wait, what?

     Quite obviously this message was not meant for me. His finger must have slipped or something. But this was not meant for me, and it hurts. 

     He’s been getting my calls but not answering them. And I’ve been worried sick.

     But now I’m furious. How could he do that to me?! How?! He’s left me stranded at school just to spite Mom and accuse her of forgetting to pick me up! 

     Mom and Dad are still fighting for custody over me. For now, I stay at Mom’s apartment every other week. And this week is one of those weeks. And the second week of school. So last week,

I was at the house where I’ve lived since I moved here in first grade. And Dad picked me up that Tuesday. And this week, I’m staying at Mom’s apartment…and Dad hasn’t picked me up because it’s Mom’s “responsibility” or something.

     I jam my phone angrily into my backpack.

     I hear footsteps rushing towards me. “Hannah!” exclaims Dee Kay. “You’ve left already?” 

     “No,” I reply quietly. 

     “Let’s not walk together then!”

     I hang my head. “I…I don’t know, Dee Kay.”

     “Are you unsure?” Dee Kay persists. “Pleeeeeease? And you can hang out at my house until 5 and at 5 you can stay even longer! And trust me, that last sentence has no antonyms in it!”

     I glance back up at her. “What happens at five?”

     “You already remember? I told you – I mean, didn’t tell you – this morning. Ava and Mae are leaving my house to hang out and you’re…uh…rejected,” she explains.

     Here I need to weigh the pros and cons.

     Pros: I get to spend time with my best friend, plus a chance to connect Avalon and Maelynn.

     Cons: Dee Kay is annoying and she’ll probably tease me about *a certain someone* for the rest of the day. Maelynn is obsessed with babysitting, something I’ve never done, nor am interested in ever doing. And then there’s Avalon. If it were just for the chat we had, everything would be great between me and her. But I’m about to do something that just might ruin that.

     Uhh…the choice is obvious.

     “Well,” I begin, pursing my lips as though I’m thinking up a compromise. “I can’t stay at your house today but I can walk with you.”

     “Aw OK. Let’s not go then.”

     Uh oh. “Dee Kay, we can still walk together…” Suddenly I snort. “Oh, right.”

     “Gotcha!” Dee Kay laughs. 

     “Dee Kay? Can you wait a couple minutes?”

     “No.”

     “Please? I need to do something quick.”

     “Gotcha again!” 

     I can’t help but join in her laughter. “Thanks.”

     I turn around and race down a hall until I find our classroom. I peek inside. Davi’s still here.

     “Davi?” I quietly step into the classroom.

     “Hannah!” Davi smiles. “Your dad isn’t here to pick you up yet?”

     “I asked him if I could walk with Dee Kay today instead,” I lie. Seriously, how low can I go? In the past few weeks I’ve lied to nearly everyone in my life. My eyes fall and I stare at Davi’s battered sneakers. I remember my first day at church school. 

     Six years old, shortest kid in class (some things never change, eh?), and new not only to the town or province but to the country. I remember memorising everyone’s shoes as a means to avoid eye contact. Dee Kay’s were neon pink. A girl called Natasha, who left to go to public school in sixth grade, had glittery silver ones. Heh – Thad’s were Hot Wheels-themed.

     And Davi’s were those same beat-up sneakers he still has. Believe it or not, in first grade they already were pretty ancient. But they were so welcoming to me, so much more than Davi announcing, “Class, please welcome your new classmate, Hannah!(!!!)”

     Sorry Davi…I know you had good intentions…

     And back to those shoes though. What colour are they supposed to be, anyway? 

     Whoa. I’ve never asked myself that before.

  “Earth to Hannah.” Chuckling, Davi waves his hand in front of my face. “You were saying…?”

     “Uh Davi? You know Avalon?” I squeak like Davi’s shoes. (Hint: old shoes don’t squeak.)

     “Sorry Hannah…I didn’t quite catch what you said.”

     My eyes meet his as I blurt out, “Davi, it’s Avalon.”

     Davi’s face clouds over, reminding me of the sky outside right now. “What about her?”

     I hang my head again and cover my face with my hands. “I don’t know how to say it Davi. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing! Avalon…she’s suicidal.”

     A long silence ensues. When I finally manage to peer through my fingers, Davi is biting his lip. 

     “Thanks for telling me Hannah,” he says.

     “See you tomorrow,” I respond.

 <>   <>   <>

I can already see the effect this little lying game of mine is having on me. I feel paranoid. On our walk, I sense someone is following us. But each time I glance back I only see Zane, a far way off, and each time he’s reading out of a book that looks like our history textbook. (History being my least favourite subject, I’ve learned to identify and avoid all such books.)

     I finally get home – and home being, not Mom’s apartment – and Dee Kay again begs me to go to her house to hang out with Maelynn and Avalon. But after a couple firm no’s, she quits persisting. Strange. And then she left. As soon as she was out of my sight, I slipped back out and ran in the opposite direction, pretty sure I knew the way to the apartment complex.

     But I can’t help wondering. Dee Kay was strangely quiet on our walk. I mean, she wasn’t acting like an introvert or anything, let’s make that clear. But her conversation topics were strangely empty and devoid of interest. No crazy spark of mischief in her eyes, instead a glossy reflection of the dark, crumbling sky above us. I should have been creeped out by her behaviour by now.

  But I’m not, because I’m swimming in my own little world of hiding and dodging and lies that hurt no one but myself. The misleading, toxic world of hannah.of.greengables.