Thanksgiving celebrates all the good things God bestows upon us. This is accomplished mainly by trying to see how much food can be placed on the average dining room table without it collapsing under the weight.

Your typical turkey isn’t all that wild about the holiday. But vegetarians can do much to help curb the fowl play that surrounds this time of year. Contrast the day before Thanksgiving at a meat eater’s home with that of a family in pursuit of the soybean-driven life:

Farmer Brown: Well, son, it’s time to take ol’ Featherduster here out behind the woodshed.

Johnny: Why do you have that hatchet in your hand?

Farmer Brown: Son, let’s just say that after today your beloved pet will never be the same.

You can see why turkeys don’t like Johnny’s dad very much, although not one of them has lived to tell Johnny in person.

Meanwhile, over at El Rancho Suburbia . . .

“Farmer” Smith: Well, son, it’s time to take this can of soy-based Turkeybuster over to the electric can opener.

Ronnie: We can take the recyclable can to Guilt-Free Metal Grinders tomorrow.

“Farmer” Smith: Yes, that can will never be the same . . .

Sadly, both meat eaters and vegetarians often include gastrically incorrect items on the Thanksgiving menu. That yams-and-melted-marshmallow thing is a good example. Better a cook save such fare for their own funeral potluck. That way they don’t have to eat any of it.

Now, don’t think I’m not thankful to God for all the blessings He brings my way. I agree wholeheartedly with the psalmist who wrote, “Let us come before him with thanksgiving” (Psalm 95:2).

Hey, if yams and marshmallows taste good to you, give thanks to God! Personally, I’ll be praising God for a heapin’ helpin’ of “Turkeybuster” and mashed potatoes. I might even go back for seconds . . . and thirds . . .